When we heard that we had to leave Spain, I thought moving to Houston would be the death of me. It seems like a dramatic response to me now, but a lie like this seems completely believable when you’re heartbroken. Unexpectedly moving to Texas was by far one of the most challenging seasons Trenton and I had walked through. We questioned God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and where He was leading us. When we landed in Houston, I felt like I had been plucked up and dropped off on a foreign planet.
While living in Madrid, we were constantly praying about what our next move should be. Both literal and figurative. We knew Madrid would not be a permanent fixture for us, as much as we would have loved that. We agreed that being overseas, moving forward, was the right fit for our family. We all thrived in Spain and grew exponentially as people from the experience of being surrounded by those who did life differently from us. Trenton and I were very much on the same page about where we felt called to next. I even told some of my closest friends, “I really believe that we are meant to be in Scotland.” Trenton could see the path being laid out before us plainly. A seamless transition from Spain to Scotland was being lined up for us without our effort or push. We were eager to allow God to work through us in the UK, in whatever avenue He saw fit. God was doing His miraculous thing, and we were hyped for it. Praise The Lord. Then the rug jerked out from under us, and we were plucked and planted. Scotland ended up being the death of a dream, Houston its graveyard.
I look back on that difficult time and see just how shortsighted I was. My eyes were fixed on my circumstance, and I was grieving. We were both grieving. I would bounce around a million ideas to Trenton as to why I thought God planted us in Texas. I was constantly spinning my wheels, trying to make sense of something that made no sense to me. I love Trenton for a bushel of reasons, but at the top of that list is his ability to point me to truth when I’ve spun around my own head to the point that I couldn’t find north if I tried. One day when I was mid-mental hamster wheel spin, he looked at me and said, “Stop trying to find the purpose in this pain. Some things are just hard and painful for a season, and you’re allowed to just sit in that for a minute.” We had been dealt a season of pain and hard, and I could accept that. That seemed so logical because that was precisely the reality I was living in. It was then I let myself truly mourn. After that conversation, I breathed a sigh of relief and rested peacefully in the arms of the loving God who held my future.
As time passed we began to heal slowly. We found community and friendships that provided and continue to give us so much joy. We made the most of being in the United States, ensuring our love of traveling was a priority. We were privileged to be given the opportunity to serve and love those around us. We laughed and joked a lot. We tried so many new things. As much purpose and peace as we ended up finding in Houston, at the end of the day, in the stillness of the morning, during our quiet midnight chats, our hearts still yearned to be overseas. I found myself continually praying, “Lord, help me be content with our present circumstance. But if it is your will, will you please make a way for us.” Deep down, though, I had made peace with the idea that this was probably home now.
Until I received an out-of-the-blue text from Trenton while away on business that said, “I’ve just been told there is a job in Aberdeen, Scotland, and it’s mine if I want it.” When I tell you I felt light as a feather and my mouth fell to the floor, it is no exaggeration. My heart’s reaction was to jump up, pack my bags, and sell the house, but my immediate response was prayer. “Lord, I know you make dead things alive. The dream I thought dead and buried, you have breathed new life into. But we will not go if you call us to stay. Lead us where you see fit.” As we prayed for weeks, the Lord made it clear that we were called to go. The spiritual roots we had developed while being planted in Houston, He saw fit to uproot and plant in Scotland. All His doing, as it always is.
So now we find ourselves here, preparing to move! Unexpectedly leaving Houston, just as unexpectedly as we came. Our dream may have experienced a death here, but here it was also given new life. God’s sovereignty being the mechanism behind it all. But there is something you must know. When I found myself in those broken moments, pleading with God, He was faithful to find me there too. He was faithful to whisper to my shattered heart, “Remember, I am the Lord your God. The God who has been faithful at every turn. I will never leave you behind. You can trust my character.”
At the center of it all is Him, and He does not have to move us to Scotland to be considered a good God. He would be just as good and just as faithful if the answer to my pleadings had been a solid “no, not now, not ever .” His goodness is not dependent upon my contentment with my circumstance. It is simply His nature of goodness that makes Him exceedingly good. He is a good God because even when I am full of doubt and my heart full of ache, He sustains me and fills me with joy beyond my understanding. He is faithful because I can depend on Him consistently when nothing else around me yields itself as consistent.
If I’m being honest, the news still seems too good to be true. I may even be in a slight state of shock. Probably because ending up in Scotland seemed an impossible reality to us! As we prepare for our move, we are full of excitement. We are also full of expectancy. But above all of our thoughts are those of awe and wonder. Awe, in how God made a way when there was no way. And wonder as to why He sees fit to give us the desire of our hearts when our broken hearts were so quick to question Him.
WE’RE MOVING TO SCOTLAND, Y’ALL!
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